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  1. #1
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    Engelsk viser. Bidra med dine.

    The First Sargent once where out in the field with his platoon. He told the guys to tell him a joke and make him laugh or he would make the whole week a hell. One of the Specialist shouted and screamed " I got one"! The Sargent shouted back "tell us it or I will make this whole week a nightmare". The Specialist said "do you guys know why they don't have Walmart in Iraq"? The Sargent asked him to tell the whole platoon. He responded " because they got a Target at every corner".

  2. #2
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    Nedanfor er den nokre vitsar frå desse to linkene.
    http://www4.ncsu.edu/~mtmorris/index3.html
    http://www****z.co.uk/lucas.html

    this is a list of just a few lucas electric jokes for fun.

    The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

    Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

    Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

    Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

    The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.

    The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

    Lucas dip-switch positions: LOW and BLOW (Bruce Miller, www.hermit****)

    The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

    "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

    If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

    Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

    It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

    Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

    Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

    Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Lucas engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

    Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

    Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

    Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

    Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

    How to make AIDS disappear? Give it a Lucas parts number.

    Recently, Lucas won out over Bosch to supply the electrical for the new Volkswagens. So, now the cars from the Black Forest will come with electrics supplied by the Lord of Darkness -- how appropriate!

    Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.



    Lucas the Prince of Darkness

    Not many people know that Land Rovers attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!

    A Land Rover doesn´t leak oil, it marks it´s territory. Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.

    Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"

    The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

    Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

    Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

    Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

    The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.

    The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

    >Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
    Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

    "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."

    If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.

    A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...

    Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

    Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.

    Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

    Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars,kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."


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