The Boobs are back in Town
...presents... The Boobs are Back in Town
by Punkle Jones
__//////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\__
__ Grand Imperial Dynasty __
Est. 1984 \\\\\\/ cDc paramedia: texXxt 404-02/18/2006 \////// Est. 1984
NASCAR and white trash cultural references aside, female breasts are
the totally "in" thing right now (were they every really not?) in fashion,
popular taste, and general acceptability. They are EVERYWHERE. Early teen
girls, soccer moms, and new grannies are all more comfortable "letting it all
hang out" these days. Visual proof of this statement is available at any
summertime sporting event, outdoor gathering, or shopping mall.
Men and women alike absolutely adore what I will call "the titty
display." Whether it is the two-sizes-too-small low cut blouse or halter top,
or mom suddenly wanting to grocery shop braless in a black tank top, boobs are
everywhere and we are seeing more of them than ever before. Acceptance of the
self is a wonderful thing -- chubby women, skinny women, all colors and sizes
of women in America have magically and collectively realized that showing more
of their body is okay. Blame it on _Girls Gone Wild_, whatever; the results
are in, and they are somewhere nearby Right This Second.
The interesting (if not outright funny) thing here is that most
"bottom-half" clothes for men do not allow for window shopping like lots of
"upper-half" women's clothing. There are notable exceptions of course, such
as bikinis, jockeys, thongs, and those animal face undies for men (do anyone
besides male strippers wear those?), although most of these are underwear --
and there are cowboys who try to split the twins with slim-sized wranglers.
Much of current male bottom-half fashion (in America anyway) trades the bulge
for relaxed- or baggy-fit looseness. Guys went through a big "skin tight =
macho" phase that lasted throughout the nineteen eighties and early nineties,
and perhaps are not eager to relive it yet. Anyway, for whatever reason,
prominent displays of male mating parts (or the suggestion thereof) are not as
common in modern fashion as prominent displays of female "mate attraction"
I for one do not believe that tit jobs have helped anyone but porn
actresses and strippers really advance in life, and even then only
superficially (increases in income notwithstanding). Artificially enhanced
breasts arguably increase the visual desirability of a woman's upper half to
the male eye and mind -- although not necessarily the likelihood of mating.
I like to think that if there were any real superstud, magic
instant-multiple-orgasm benefits to penis enlargement, the same culture that
created the perfect boob would have created the perfect penis.
I am frankly more than a little confused as to why artificial penis
"enhancement" -- for appearance if nothing else -- has not become extremely
commonplace. You KNOW most men are insecure about their penis. But is
enhancement of mating and child-rearing parts all about men's desires and
insecurities? Are boob jobs even FOR the women that get them, anyway? I
hope so, but that is a whole other ball of wax.
Q: What is long, and hard, and full of semen?
A: Probably not you (just wait).
/\/\ "Deez muthafuckin' nuttz!" -- Snoop Doggy Dogg /\/\
Here is where the playing field becomes extremely unlevel. I will go
ahead and state that in my opinion, male references to their member/twins are
invariably over-compensating or self-deprecating. I have yet to speak to a
guy that would not trade upward in terms of size, girth, heft, or what have
you. And although I have read about the woes of those sad fellows who are
truly "Hung Like A Horse" (they can never put it all in, they have to hold
back while fucking, etc.), I have yet to meet one of them.
Admitting the collective inferiority complex publicly is another story
altogether -- males do not (the exceptions prove the rule, so no sniping here
please). Most women come to terms with their appearance by the end of high
school. That is not to say many will not obsess over changing it, but women's
bodies are not something they can really "hide" from anyone in real life.
Some may suggest that amateur porn has opened a window to reality regarding
depiction of typical male sex organs, but again -- it is worth pounding the
point home (bad pun intended) -- the focus in non-fetish, "regular" porn is a
depiction of performance (function, not form). The male package is rarely the
focus in self-produced pornography; rather, the focus is largely on what a
female is doing to the man or what the female is doing to herself. This
allows the focus of the watcher to remain on the act instead of on the male's
dimensions. By the time actual penetration occurs, the male's dimensions are
largely irrelevant due to being obscured by the mechanics of the act itself.
So, it is pretty safe.
It is worth noting that in "gay" male porn, there a great many more
masturbation scenes than in "straight" porn. Straight guys generally will not
watch a depiction of themselves as they are -- chronic masturbators -- when
they can see a depiction of what they would rather be. Which is usually
banging the hell out of their partner and not thinking about how long or thick
they are (or are not).
Guys, it gets worse when it should be getting better. Sooner or later,
your dick will not want to work the way you want it to when you want it to.
And not after literally screwing all night long, either. Laugh if you want,
but you are only laughing at yourself. It happens to all men within a certain
age range eventually.
For the man who is experiencing typical mid-life changes to their
libido, performance, and potency, there are few negative reinforcements as
powerful or as degrading as that of young, healthy, sexually active men and
women GETTING IT ON. Sexually, men are taught that they should fuck as a
20-yr-old fucks for as long as they are not medically restricted from it.
Most men aged 45 or older will have had at least one sexual experience where
their "little buddy" failed to rise to the occasion regardless of how much
jerking/sucking/porn watching is done on its behalf. A lot of them will not
cope properly with the situation -- of course it is bound to happen; they
might have been exhausted, a little drunk, not as horny as they pretended to
be -- and a snowball effect of sorts will cause the failure to happen more
The average impotent male suffers from this purely psychological issue
(but it is okay, because Viagra is cheap Cheap CHEAP). Insensitivity or
decreased libido in their partner usually renders the sex life non-existent at
this point. A lot of couples split up because of the rapid decrease in sexual
behavior and a common inability to discuss it painlessly. Others who cannot
deal may just ignore the elephant in the corner of the room entirely and focus
their sexual drive elsewhere. Here is the crossroads where men either become
the creepy neighbor who never goes outside, extremely active in church or
local politics, or the loudest guy in the living room watching the big game.
His partner will likely become extremely interested in gardening, a women's
group, or church functions. Unfortunately for them and their family, their
overall wellness will likely not be as whole as if their lives allowed for
sexuality regardless of perceived ability or desirability.
Another option for men at this point in their lives is to suck down
double-doses of Viagra (or an herbal substitute) and torture their wives or
girlfriends with erections that can last for hours and come back again and
again, like the guy was eighteen years old again. It sounds good on paper,
but the reality of the situation is that the guy's partner probably has some
bills that need to get dropped in a mailbox SOMEtime this month, and those
dishes are *not* going to wash themselves. Just because a man has a
Viagra-stiff pole worth saluting for the first time in years does not mean he
has to inflict it on someone else. His entire upper body can benefit from the
aerobically-rich jerk-a-thons which are possible in that state. Just use
plenty of lubrication and do not forget to breathe!
/\/\ "Don't you know what you are? You are what you is." -- Frank Zappa /\/\
Everyone should know by the time they are college age that there is a
huge "normal" range in the sexual bell curve, and that lots of persuasions and
attractions are okay with lots of people. Chances are you have not come up
with something that nobody else in the world besides you can enjoy (if you
have, it is fetishistic and disqualified for the sake of argument here).
Anyone can be as happy sexually as they want to be, and should not fear a bad
reaction in their partner to whatever their desire includes. This is not to
say that a nice girl will not be a little shocked at first to find you LIKE
stuffing green onions up your ass, or that you have discovered that minty gel
toothpaste feels mighty good on your nut sack from time to time -- but it is
more than likely she will learn to enjoy seeing you enjoying yourself while
you are enjoying each other. Maybe she likes being smacked on the clit with a
ping pong paddle -- whatever -- it is okay as long as it does not permanently
Sex should be allowed to be whatever it is. The actor Christopher
Reeve undoubtedly was not swinging dick in his later years, but it would be
foolish to portray him as non-sexual during that part of his life -- even if
he was unable to be physically sexual. This is where no one under the age of
thirty gets it -- sex is not about making your sex partner's eyes bug out with
your astonishing endurance, prowess, and encyclopedic knowledge of sexual
positions. Everyone should try to realize that their VERY OWN PARENTS fucked
like horny co-eds playing Drunken Twister(tm) every time their bedroom door
closed. Healthy ***** sexual expression embraces sensuality, accepts
differences in desire (and compromises accordingly), and is above all patient,
willing to see the bigger picture: 99% of the time, it is going to take
awhile to get it right and, like many things in life, it should be perceived
as a dynamic, not a state.
Your sex is not like anyone else's sex. And you get out of it exactly
what you put into it.
Ladies, your bodies are absolutely wonderful, and you should love them
as much as men do -- yes really.
Guys, quit worrying about your dick. Worrying is what fucks it up for
guys AND girls, so do not make the problem worse by doubting yourselves so
freaking much. Have you ever even seen another guy's johnson? Maybe you
would relax a little bit if you had, and realize that you do not have the
smallest shrimp boat in the marina.
You might even believe it's just right.
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